I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
