I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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