i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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