Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
