He asked to "fluff my boner.."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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