it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
