So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
