get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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