WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
