need another drink. this is the easiest way
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
