Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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