Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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