Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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