I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
