I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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