he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
