I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
