The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I didn't notice because vodka
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
