I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
