I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
