is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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