She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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