I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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