Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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