life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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