I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They took my balls.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
