Can i not drive my cunt home
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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