Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
