I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
