he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
