Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
