Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
