Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
