Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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