just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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