were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
