I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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