A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
