I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
