i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize