i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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