we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
