Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
