whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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