Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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