just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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