youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
