I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
