He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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