And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This baby is an asshole
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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