i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
