Pregnant stripper...not hot.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
