It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
