I just made out with a guy for $7.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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