I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
