So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
