dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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