Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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