I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
