I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
