sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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