i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
