I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
