cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
