Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Less talking, more tequila
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
