I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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