i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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