I will die if light touches me.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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