A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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